


"A great and honourable soldier."

by Dalet



Series: In the Beginning [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, possibly implied torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5595616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalet/pseuds/Dalet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’ve been thinking about Cass’ description of Balthazar as “a great and honourable soldier,” given his fiercely, proudly independent sense of self. See how easily he says “no,” even to Cass, the moment we meet him?</p><p>Up until the point in season eight where I stopped watching, he seemed to be the only who took “free will” and <i>ran</i> with it.</p><p>Was that a complete change in his personality? Or was it something he carefully hid?</p>
            </blockquote>





	"A great and honourable soldier."

Early on he’s more tempestuous, to Castiel’s chagrin. Balthazar’s no rogue, but he bends the rules, liberally interprets his orders, leaves scuffmarks on the line of dis/obedience. Where’s the issue? He’s absolutely loyal to Castiel, whose own loyalty is unquestionable, and he _always_ completes the mission. 

_Why,_ Castiel asks him frustratedly. Balthazar is a competent, highly skilled soldier. Why take these risks? Why not just do as he’s told? 

Balthazar is equally indignant. If someone has a problem with his methods, Balthazar will deal with it. His choices are his responsibility.

When the reckoning finally happens, though, it’s Castiel who’s called to face the consequences. He steps forward.

Balthazar is _livid._ He tries to protest. He _tries_ to insist.

Nobody listens.

Because he _doesn’t_ have choices to make. He _doesn’t_ have responsibility. He’s a cog in the machine, and it’s Castiel’s responsibility to see that he _obeys_ , just as _his_ superiors do in turn.

Balthazar watches him go with a heart like lead.

* * *

He finds Castiel afterward, looking so worn. Balthazar’s still furious, of course. _Why_ didn’t Castiel let him go?! Why wouldn’t he let Balthazar tell them the truth? Why is he so infuriatingly self-sacrificing, offering himself up just because he _should?!_

But he can’t say that, not now, to Castiel’s face. He sinks to his knees, touching Castiel’s hands.

“I’m so sorry…”

Castiel is angry, too. Why didn’t Balthazar listen? Why was he so _stubborn?_ Why can’t he understand that _nobody_ understands his “choices,” his “responsibility,” his, God forbid, “free will?” 

But Castiel is also very, very tired. He’d just like to rest now; will Balthazar stay and watch him, for a little while?

Balthazar cradles Castiel’s head in his lap as he sleeps. It _burns_ to admit, but he knows he was wrong. He was wrong to think that they saw his love and took it for true loyalty. His love for Castiel means nothing to them, and Castiel’s loyalty means nothing on its own.

Cass _will_ suffer for those under his command. _They_ are his responsibility.

Balthazar knows now that _his_ loyalty, too, must be unquestionable.

**Author's Note:**

> "In the Beginning" is an informal, non-linear series about Castiel and Balthazar before...everything.


End file.
